Some of you may have already read agent Nathan Bransford’s post When Dreams Become Expectations. It brought a lot of “realness” to dreams and their connection to writer happiness.
This part of the post was especially interesting to me about what he had to say about dreams/goals:
“When you allow daydreams to fill that gap to get you through the tough times, or even when you’re just letting your imagination get the best of you, the dreams can gradually evolve into the reason you were writing in the first place. They were how you got through the tough times, so now they have to come true for it to be worth it. They start to become a crutch — take that crutch away and you fall over because you were leaning on an endlessly elusive dream.”
As writers, it’s very easy to get caught up in the grandeur of our dreams. We all do it. But we must be careful about how much weight we give to our dreams.
For me, I sometimes get frustrated with the progress of my writing journey but then again, I’m also grateful because I know how the “What-If” game can get you into trouble. Happiness doesn’t always start when you get an agent or even when you publish a book. Don’t get me wrong, when you hit those milestones, you should celebrate them and be proud of the accomplishment. But also remember that those goals achieved are always replaced with something else to achieve — and if you depend on that for happiness, you will be forever running the treadmill of the next “big” thing. And what if doesn’t happen? Then what?
I remember after getting my former agent how I got all caught up in what was going to happen next. It was exhilarating and fun — and in my head I planned all the glorious things ahead of me. When it didn’t happen, I got sort of crushed. After wallowing in disappointment, I dusted myself off and went back to the real reason I was writing novels for in the first place. It was then I realized that I had gotten caught up and it brought me back down to earth.
I still want to achieve my goals but now I’m more realistic about it and I know that it will take patience and more importantly working on my craft and making my novel the best it can be.
Every writer wants to be a success. Just remember to keep it in perspective.
How do balance your dreams and reality?
Great article and keeping the balance is difficult for creative people. You don’t want to create paintings, novels, sculptures just for yourself. You want and need appreciation from others, but you can’t let that desire color reality. I keep the balance when the rejections arrive by telling myself I’m at least trying and improving my craft.
I think this is true of any dream, whether you want to be a painter, singer, writer, etc. We all want recognition for our talents, and don’t realize that recognition either doesn’t come at all, or it comes with a price.
I think it’s easier to dream big before suffering disappointments. I have to admit that dreams are what keep me going, but I also try my best to enjoy the process, so if I never achieve everything I dream of, I will still have garnered a certain degree of happiness from writing.
In the nicest possible way, I try and squash my dreams every day. I don’t want an overinflated view of my writing. I try and focus on the day and my writing goals and be happy with where I am. I’ve seen too many agented authors still be unhappy and discontent and fearful. And I think all that inhibits my writing.
Catherine: That’s a great way to manage expectations with rejection letters. You can take those comments and apply to the writing and get better.
Tiana: Most artists do want recognition. But sometimes if we take that recognition — especially the negative to heart it can disrupt our writing. It can be tricky balancing the good with the bad.
Sandy: Enjoying the process is a good strategy. I’m like you — I love to daydream but enjoying the act of telling the story and learning the craft also can bring a sense of self and happiness if you let it.
Laura: Just like you, I’ve seen some agented and published writers that are actually *less* happy. It comes with the territory but grounding yourself in realism can prepare for all the things that come with published books and agents.
Great post, Karen. Writing with personal purpose is new to me. It is rewarding and exhilarating. I do dream of the day that I have an agent, get the call that a publisher is interested in my work, or sit in a bookstore reading to children from the book I’ve “birthed.” But I am trying to keep it in perspective and focus on what’s really important: writing. It’s what brings me true joy. My dreams are important; but my writing is necessary.
Athena: Glad you enjoyed reading the post. Loved when you said this: “My dreams are important; but my writing is necessary.”
Good luck on your new blog schedule. :)
Thanks! Day 1…
Great post, Karen. So true. It’s almost as if you’ve described a microcosm of spirituality, where we look madly for external milestones but forget the still small voice inside us that compels us to write no matter what the result is…
Nathan’s post hit a home run. With writing, and with life, I think it’s important to look at the positives of where we are right now. Yes, we want to move forward, but we’re pretty lucky where we are, too. Great subject, Karen.
Good message Karen! Dreams are great and necessary to a happy life – but we need to be realistic and not pin all our hopes on them :)
Vicky: Definitely. I depended a *lot* on the external milestone of getting my first novel published that I didn’t realize that I had attached my happiness on it coming true. I’m trying a different approach with this novel.
Julie: Yes, I’m learning to appreciate the many positives that are along this writing journey. One of the major pluses is the support and community of other writers.
Jemi: Dreams are good to have and inspire us as well but being realistic is key. At least for me and my own sanity. Ha.