One of the things I’m working on for the revision phase is character development. My main character has an estranged relationship with her father and she finally has to deal with it in a intense scene.
During the writing of the scene, I felt some resistance. Thinking to myself, “I can’t really go there can I? What if readers think this is about my father?”
I guess this is one of the things that happen to us as writers. When we write about difficult and dysfunctional relationships, one of the automatic assumptions may be that we are “writing what we know.” Sometimes this could be true but most of the time we know as writers that it’s usually not the case.
Fear of assumptions should not be the reason a writer doesn’t “go there” for a character. If a character has to deal with a difficult situation, you should explore it — even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. When we start to censor ourselves based on the possible assumption of what other people may think — this is where we get into trouble and our writing starts to falter.
We have no control over what people may think. We can only control what we put on the page.
So in the end, I ended up writing the scene, knowing that it isn’t my life but the life of my character.
Life Imitating Art
September 1, 2010 Read Comments
This may be weird, but when I’m reading, I rarely think about the author as a person and how the events in a story reflect the author’s real life. Do other people do that? When I’m writing, it’s another story. I definitely worry about how much of myself is in the writing. But I think it’d be hard NOT to put some of yourself in each book, otherwise you’d end up with a story that is generic and not uniquely yours.
I think readers will become even more involved with your story because it explores those hard to deal with feelings.
A lot of my stories have the protagonist dealing with a parent issue. But that’s pretty prevalent for kids, so you’re probably safe!
Andrea: I think you’re right as writers it would be hard NOT to put something of ourselves. But usually it’s such a mixture of background information, emotions, and experiences, that the result is something unique from ourselves.
Laura: Ha, you are probably right. Parent issues abound in our genres.
Good point! Be fearless in your writing because that’s where the really good stuff comes from. It is how you move forward. Write what scares you.
Lisa: I love that line: “Write what scares you.”
What an interesting point. Personally I’ve found readers decide if you’re writing about people you know, no matter what you say. I had a friend who loved one of my books, then revealed the reason: he thought I’d put in this strange girl we used to know. I hadn’t, but regardless of how much I denied it he insisted it was her. Publish – because you’re damned anyway.
So true! People do assume there’s some fact in our fiction. Once it’s pubbed, maybe dedicate it to your dad :)
I’m dreading my mother’s reaction when she reads my novel because my protaganist does have a disfunctional relationship with his mother, who is slightly deranged. Knowing her, my mother may well assume it’s based on her, but it isn’t, it makes for a great story and I’m going to publish anyhow.
Evelyn Waugh once responded ‘I don’t put people into books- they take themselves out’
Karen, do you mind if I reference your post in my blog? I plan to write about readers’ assumptions. It’s an interesting subject.
dirtywhitecandy: I also think readers make up their mind even if the characters in a novel are not about a “real” person. I guess that should be a compliment.
Jemi: Ha, maybe dedicating to my Dad would really help. Of course, maybe then the reader may think that I’m trying to “reach” out to him because of our estranged and dysfunctional relationship.
Mark: Believe me, I know how you feel. But good for you that you are writing what’s best for the novel and not what people will think. And believe it or not, sometimes it’s the writer’s parents who tend to be the most understanding.
eeleenlee: Oh, love that quote. Thanks for sharing. LOVES the avatar.
Linda: Sure, feel free to use the post. Loved your latest post on writing rules. Subscribing to your blog.
After finishing my fifth manuscript, I had this weird little epiphany about that. I looked back at my manuscripts and realized that not one of them has a mother who comes across well as a loving, supportive, nurturing person. In the ones where the mothers were decent people, they were absent from the story by reason of having died prior to the story’s start. In the ones where they’re in the story, they’re all pretty rotten mothers.
It wasn’t hard for me to figure out why this is. My own mother’s mothering left much to be desired in the categories of nurturing and support.
So, if people want to psychoanalyze me on the basis of my work, I suppose that’s fair. They’re welcome to do it. But I also know that for each story, the choices I made about the mothers were _right for the story_. The dead moms were dead because the protagonists needed to be on their own. The living moms were bitches because that served the needs of the plots or because it supported the book’s underlying themes.
So sure, maybe it’s art imitating life, but I wouldn’t change how I wrote any of those manuscripts.
Jason: Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. The relationship with your own mother may have influenced your writing, but I believe when you say that those mothers were “right for the story” may have been the stronger reason. You have to write for what’s right for your character and their journey in the novel. Kudos for you for writing what was needed for the story and not regretting your choice.