This has been an interesting few days. I could blame it on a host of different things but I don’t want to bore you with those details.

But things were looking up. The day job is finally getting back to normal and I’ll have more to time dedicate to this revision. I’m doing great with my Act 1 scenes. Those first 75 pages I know. But the next pages? Act 2 and Act 3 scenes? Not so much.

And that’s when something happened…doubt started to creep in.

I’m revising a draft, which in itself should tell you something. Drafts are…drafts. They can be messy, convoluted, and take a lot of time to revise into good shape. This revision round will be very challenging. Maybe it’s because I’m a perfectionist or maybe it’s my Ticking Clock Syndrome flaring up.

The end result of doubt creeping in?

I believed that I had written the worst draft on Earth. The worst draft ever. Here’s what I wrote about it in my writing journal:

“This book is draining me. I can’t figure it out. The solution keeps slipping away. The Act 1 scenes are okay but the rest of this draft is just a puzzle I don’t know I can solve.

Maybe I’ve been writing the wrong book. This whole book is wrong. This whole idea isn’t going to work.

This is sad. I’ve spent so much time and energy on this book.

Could there be a way to salvage this book? I’m not sure. I don’t know. Maybe.

Do I want to save this book? I’m not sure.

What does this mean?

Could it mean that this isn’t the book I should be writing? Maybe it’s time to let this book go.”

I let those feelings out and I did seriously think about just stopping without trying to fix this problem. Put the book away. Start fresh in 2010.

But I didn’t do that.

Instead I went to the bookstore, got a hot cup of green tea, sat in the YA section, and looked at all of the books surrounding me. I thought of all the writers behind the words. They went on this journey and made it here so I knew it was possible. In that moment, I let go of the expectations for my draft. I simply just let it be what it was. A draft that needs to be revised. Imperfect. It has problems, but problems that can be fixed.

I came home with a new resolve and started to brainstorm. I decided to let it go and let my subconscious figure it out.

And you know what? That’s exactly what happened. I now have some possible solutions to my draft issues and I’ve been re-energized to start on my next phase of revision: the infamous middle section.

It probably won’t be easy and maybe doubt will creep in again. But I’ll try to keep things in perspective and always try to remember that persistence is the only way that I’m going to join the other YA writers in the bookstore.