Recently, I’ve been analyzing several books that are in first person, present tense. And I think it’s rubbing off on me.
My draft is currently in first person, past tense. It is what comes naturally to me in writing. But this weekend, I tried a revision of a scene in present tense. It seemed more immediate and the novel does take place in a specific amount of time plus there is an element of time running out that may be enhanced with present tense.
As an example, here’s a snippet from the scene in the original past tense:
Mr. Tom walked down the aisles with Friday’s test. My fellow classmates showed visible signs of relief. Mr. Tom moved closer and turned down my row. My stomach churned with the uneasiness of finding out my grade. Would Mr. Tom get mad if I puked on his shoes?
He stood in front of my desk and put my test face down. Face down. At least he spared me the humiliation. Mr. Tom moved to the next row. Maybe it was okay. Wouldn’t he had said something if I had done poorly?
I peeled over the corner of the test. I saw red ink, the curves of an eight—then a two. I had dodged another failing grade. Lucky. But I knew better. Luck was a myth. And I wasn’t a math genius. The paper was upside down. My grade was a 58. Another F.
“How did you do?” Shark Boy asked.
The tang of tears burned my eyes. I couldn’t cry in Mr. Tom’s Algebra class. Megan was right. I needed a tutor.
“Not good,” I mumbled. “Not good at all.”
The same snippet revised in present tense:
Mr. Tom walks down the aisles with Friday’s test. My fellow classmates show visible signs of relief. Mr. Tom moves closer and turns down my row. My stomach churns with the uneasiness of finding out my grade. Would Mr. Tom be mad if I puke on his shoes?
He stands in front of my desk and places my test face down. Face down. At least he spares me the humiliation. Mr. Tom moves on to the next row. Maybe it’s okay. Wouldn’t he had said something if I had done poorly?
I peel over the corner of the test. I see red ink, the curves of an eight—then a two. I’ve dodged another failing grade. Lucky. But I know better. Luck is a myth. And I’m not a math genius. I have the paper upside down. The grade is a 58. Another F.
“How did you do?” Shark Boy asks.
The tang of tears burns my eyes. I can’t cry in Mr. Tom’s Algebra class. Megan is right. I need a tutor.
“Not good,” I mumble. “Not good at all.”
Ugh, I’m not even sure if I even did the present tense right, LOL.
Still not sure which one is better. I’ll probably have to keep working on it to see. Changing a novel from past tense to present tense isn’t as easy as it seems.
Have you tried present tense? Or do you like reading books in present tense?
This is so funny because we were just taking about past vs. present tense in my class last week. You’re right that present tense sounds more immediate, and it also helps build mystery and suspense in the story.
One thing we talked about with first person present tense is that the character has to be someone we can relate to since we’re in his/her head ALL the time. There’s no room for reflection in the character, so what s/he is thinking at that moment needs to be interesting. Since it is such a difficult tense/POV to maintain, we decided that it has to be used for a specific reason, one that makes sense in the context of the story.
Since I don’t know what your story is about, I have no idea how it relates to all the things I just said. But I agree that your present tense excerpt is more immediate and energetic. So if it’s working for you, I say stick with it!
Thanks Anna, those are good points.
For now, I’m going to continue to revise the draft in past tense. I’m not sure if I can pull off the present tense. For some reason, I don’t think I’m doing it right.
But yes, everything has to be immediate—so everything has to be within that moment. I was just so amazed at the recent novels I’ve read in present tense that I wanted to give it a try.
Right now I’m reading THE MAZE RUNNER, and the author does an excellent job in 3rd person, past tense and it’s just as riveting, so present tense is not the only way to get that effect.
Lots to think about…ah, revision.